Can’t you see the resemblance? (terrible photo of both of us, but eh):

I truly am my father’s daughter, and I don’t think its a bad thing. He was fucking awesome! One of the best people I have ever met. With that being said…. and as awesome as he was, he, like all people, had flaws. By the time he passed away, he had turned most of his flaws into winning/positive traits. (I am still working on this part.)

One of his “flaws” was overthinking and as I have argued previously it can be a weakness and a strength. It pays off in work situations, but often causes me to appear really intense (I PREFER PASSIONATE) and insecure (i imagine) to people in my personal life. Not really sure how to correct that as I tend to have thought through the whole experience, playing the tape all the way through if you will… often rendering me 42 steps ahead of most and waiting for them to catch up <shrug>. To display how I tend to kick things off and at what level of intensity I tend to begin, I have included this image:

Somehow, my dad gained more patience as he aged and was willing to sit and wait for people to catch up to where he was in his thought processes. I am not sure when or how he gained these abilities, but my mom has said more than once that he wasn’t always like that. But logic dictates that I will gain this ability in the future as well (don’t worry friends, there’s hope!). But in case you were wondering, I have been called intense 4x in the last 2 weeks, 3 of which were in the last 4 days. I mean even when I car dance, my fist pumping only gets more intense, eventually going to me trying to stand up and dance while still buckled in and driving… #noshame

Another one of my dad’s flaws was his unadulterated honesty.

I imagine if you asked people about this aspect of his, they would give a series of mixed reviews. It, at times, caused a lot of trouble at dinners when the extended family was around — remembering one specific thanksgiving and some other instances… but it also helped him in the work place and I imagine, at times with my mother. I had a deep appreciation for his honesty, even though it often wasn’t something I was prepared to hear, it definitely always forced me to change my perspective on things. I miss him for this. No lie, my mom has def picked up the slack since my dad passed in July of 2014… yknow, filter removal and shit, BUT it isn’t the same. I do continuously try to encourage complete and ridiculous amounts of honesty. If you recall, I created something called sweatpants level, that I have put most of my close friends on and encouraged in those that I think I could be close with…. I believe this kind of open and honest communication will only improve my relationships. Thus far, it has for the most part, but not EVERY time. There have been times where, especially as I am learning to touch my feels, it has left me open to a world of hurt. And shit, I have been hurt by it, BUT it saved me a world of hurt in the long run, and has made life more interesting 100% of the time. I WANT to know what you are thinking, without the layer of bullshit you tend to dress your commentary up in. Reading through the lines seems like such a waste of my brain power and IM TERRIBLE AT IT! Remember earlier when I mentioned that I overthink EVERYTHING?! yea…. This is where these two things go hand in hand. Overthinking hurts me, personally, because I get all twisted and in my head about things. And then I [feel like I] get annoying to those around me. <Sigh>So I seek reassurance. Especially from those I don’t know real well. Its hard. (<coughcough> first world problems <coughcough>). Something I am currently going through with a few friends I want to invest time and effort into…

COMPLETE ASIDE (like… not related at all, story of how all of these posts go, amiright?) — Have you ever noticed how hard it is to make friends as an adult and by the time you realize that person x was way more awesome than you realized, you are already in way deep with person y who you met around the same time but tries really hard to emotionally manipulate you…? just me? But for real, it is a challenge to make friends as an adult because you never know how much to put in or give and how much to hold back and then too much and you look like a spaz (my MO) or not enough and people think you aren’t interested… <sigh> adulting is hard.

annnnd we are back — SO! with that being acknowledged, I want to continue onward… my dad surrounded himself with people who were honest with him and who he could relate to on a human level. My mom does this as well, I think? Idunno, she tolerates me for some reason 😛 — anywho… point being, taking a lesson directly from their playbooks, I have tried to do the same. My close friends are all people who will be honest with me when I ask their opinion and respect me [most of the time] when I say I am not ready for their opinion (because I don’t want to be influenced by their opinions). It has taken a long time to weed out those that would say one thing and do another… and also to weed out those that are only in it for the emotional manipulation game. Don’t get me wrong, I am a fan of the game… I play the game and hell, I take credit for inventing a good portion of the game; BUT not the emotional manipulation game — THAT is NOT what I am about.

I know quite a few people who are…. and when I call them on trying to do it to me, they get upset and try to push it back on me, which is annoying at times. These kinds of people don’t manage to stay in my life long… I think there are one or two who I have permitted to stay around but it is a push-pull game with them. <shrug> There are benefits to keeping one or two of these folks in my life and here are the rules I live by with these types of people —

• I know their game
• I call them on their bullshit most of the time (sometimes I let it ride… depends on my state of mind at the time)
• They know that I know their game

Last one is key to not getting ram-rodded by these types of people. Take it from me… someone who was ram-rodded by emotional manipulators for a good portion of my life… I didn’t wise up until my late 20s and even then, I knew it was happening, but not how to stop it… <sigh>

So what is my whole point of running through these random characteristics that I share with my pop? Basically, to let you all in on a little secret… find the people who share your brand of crazy whether they match your intensity or don’t, they are your people.