((Subtitled: The word can’t is bullshit AF and you should probably remove it from your vocabulary))
<buckle up, this is probably gonna be a long one>

Perspective. Funny word, perspective. Such a big word yet, just the slightest of shifts can change EVERYTHING on how you view shit. 

When I was younger, and going through some hard coming of age things, my dad would tell me about how miserable he was until one day he woke up and shit was magically different and better; he changed his perspective and from then on, seemed to be able to wake up on the right side of the bed. Then I would say something like “yea, but I *can’t* do that” And his response was always “Yes you can. Can’t is not a word that should be in your vocabulary” and then he would launch into a lecture about how he raised me to think better of myself and blahblahblah. BUT! One thing he had correct was that can’t was never an appropriate word.
(I promise I will explain)

The last few years of life have been rough AF. Don’t get me wrong, some amazingly wonderful things have happened, but some really low points have too. And while those low points were never the equal of what I experienced in my 20’s, when I was doing some awfully dumb shit, they were still pretty damn low. Anyway, over the last 2 years, I have slowly made changes. I somehow found some remnants of myself; grew stronger; stood up for myself, my beliefs and my integrity; pulled myself out of a terrible situation (spade a spade, my friends; spade a spade); and began to repair my fragile everything.

The changes didn’t happen all at once, and I still have a lot of work to do, but, somehow finding that strength has been a journey, as most things are…

And it’s funny, one small word can change the entire meaning of a sentence.

I bet by now, you are asking me what the point of all of this rambling is… I promise, I am getting to my point…

Leading up to the point I hit 2 years ago, I would look at my situation and have a series of thoughts:

• “I can’t leave”
• “I can’t figure this out”
• “Why can’t I fix him”

And finally the one “can’t” that was most important:

I can’t keep doing this to myself, but more importantly, I can’t keep putting my kid through the ups and downs of an unhealthy relationship.

Epic shit, right?

So I started looking forward. Somewhere, I found the strength to move forward and never once did I say I can’t go on, or I can’t hack it or I can’t do blah. It was always, I can do this because I have done that. I can do this because I survived that. Or shit, at one point it came down to “I can do this because I HAVE TO”…

LET ME REPEAT THAT FOR THE CHEAP SEATS IN THE BACK....

NEVER ONCE DID I SAY CAN'T TO MYSELF DURING THIS PIVOTAL LIFE CHANGING MOMENT. 

My entire world turned upside down with one decision. There was almost immediate relief. But it wasn’t easy by any stretch. A human I had literally spent years caring for, helping, trying to fix, trying to make things go right, was no longer going to be a central focus point in my life. (It took me 6 months to address my own mental state surrounding this and handle residual feelings, but that is a story for another time. And even still a large part wasn’t realized until another relationship ended as well and triggered my dealing with and actually FEELING the shitshow of feelings surrounding my divorce.)

The perspective shift was overnight – I made a decision with my whole being and it resonated. So now, when I hear people say can’t, I try to take a minute to remind them that can’t is a word that subconsciously stops them from looking for possible solutions. I hear “can’t” and have a physical reaction.

Which brings me to my next point…..

I hear a lot of people talk about how they suck at this or they aren’t good at blah or whatever – and really just disparaging themselves. When you talk negatively about yourself, you begin believing the shit you’re spewing and internalizing it and it becomes this awful cycle that shares a headspace with “can’t” ((see above)).

I am truly fortunate to know SO MANY AMAZING PEOPLE. And yet, most of them don’t know how to take a compliment and when given a compliment, instead of saying thank you, end up downplaying what they did or how they helped or whatever — I have started telling people to stop disparaging themselves or downplaying contributions (yea I need to get better at this too but yknow I have people who might enjoy spitting my own words back at me, heh)

but I digress….

Perspective shifts can be subtle or small and still make a HUGE impact. It’s all about changing one or two things here and there, when you can and seeing what happens.

Example: I set out to run a 35 mile race. I knew I could do it but due to conditions, was concerned about cut offs… I ended up telling myself I would just do what I could until they pulled me and ended up finishing — but my perspective shift changed the amount of pressure on myself and ultimately, gave me a better experience overall.

So, takeaways…

• Think of everything as little wins, and you’ll always be celebrating 😛
• Appreciate the little things (this will go far in helping you change your perspective)
• The past only matters in how you use it — if you use it as a crutch to spew hate and be angry, you’re gonna fail at life… if you use it to change who you are and make yourself better, you, my friend, are going to feel good about who you are and where you are headed — always use your pass to make yourself better; lessons learned and shit
• Latch onto and FIGHT for hope. Hope will keep you positive and moving forward. Having high hopes doesn’t make you a chump, it makes you one of the most endearing and enviable people on this planet. Be one of these people. Always.
• Happiness is a choice. Always do you with no apologies and no shame about it. Be you, live your truth and be happy. It’s the only way to live!

And, for fuck’s sake… STOP SAYING CAN’T