I have a lot of feelings and thoughts. They comprise of anger (mostly, right now), sadness, joy, and frustration. The thoughts are mostly preoccupied with over-thinking and overanalyzing situations.
I normally like to keep this blog positive and upbeat, but there have been times where I have had to vent. I was talking to my friend, Gail, while we were running one weekend and I was rehashing the gchat convo we had had the previous day… I was completely and utterly overwhelmed by all of the things that I had to get done (freelance work, work-work, grad school homework, housework) and I was very “ragey” (her word, not mine). After that convo, I remember walking home and feeling completely defeated. I sagged a little more and I sank into a corner when I got home. Point being, that on that run, I explained my “ragey” feelings. I get the overwhelming feeling about 4 times a year – to the point of rage and then defeat and often, tears. Often the rage comes first and covers the defeat until I am willing to admit that it exists, yknow, because anger is a secondary emotion.
But in this case, the case above, this is real frustration (which occasionally turns into anger for me), different from the overwhelming feeling, and mostly at myself for not standing up for myself and not being more forthright with my own thoughts and feelings in a lot of situations. I know a lot of people think I am open and outgoing, and I am; I am happy most of the time and when I get angry or frustrated, it can come and go all within the same ten min time span…. so when it lasts a little longer, it is harder for me to handle it and deal with it because I am not used to these feelings sticking around. The last 8 days, it seemed to be the 8 days from hell, where most everything could go wrong and did, professionally, personally and running wise (ps: if anyone is out there and listening, I could use some good news!).
Things just seemed to crash down on me and I did this one run on the treadmill to avoid cold temps (I rarely run on a treadmill… it generally causes me pain) and low and behold, I end up with some kind of crazy lasting heel pain. Seems it prolly isnt plantars fasciitis, but better to be safe then sorry I suppose. <— Reasons why I chose to have a coach and why I chose the coach I did… PT in training. texted her a pic of where the pain was, and she called me and discussed it with me, letting me know what she thought! Gave me exercises and everything! Crazy awesome! Still going to get it looked at (once again, better to be safe than sorry!)
The sadness was partially from the anger… and the joy came from the visit I got from Kat! She was in town for IDEA Fit conference and the in town, happened to be MY town! DC HOLLA! (If you are joining us for the first time today, I am from DC and I live in the DMV — I have a deep love and appreciation for my city and while I have lived all over — Miami, Chicago, Indy, etc — nothing will ever compare to DC. It’s my city and I got mad love for this city, as backwards as it is in most ways, it’s my home and it’s glorious). I was excited to share all of the gloriousness with Kat this time around since the last time she was here (for MCM), I was unable to meet up with her.
Got get in some gogo (that trashcan beat in this remix of Jay-Z’s Empire State of Mind)
ALRIGHT! time to get back on target. So how do you deal with anger and frustration when it lasts? I tend to deal with it in the most unhealthy of ways. Yea, I keep my running schedule up… but I also cram all of the things into my mouth, including but not limited to various forms chocolate, girl scout cookies and doritos. This can become a problem if not reigned in… at least for me. I gained so much weight last year when I was in a boot so I am trying to be super conscious of the possible weight gain from the anger and frustration beast that sits on my back with my other 500 lb gorilla (more on the 500 lb gorilla later). I would like to come up with some more positive ways to get that anger and frustration out aside from eating and maybe, if it strikes your fancy, drinking. Honestly, yknow what normally gets me out of an anger/frustration funk…. some killer songs! Like:
Macklemore, and we danced
Abba, Dancing Queen (reminds me of Donovan and every time we would go to Harrys)
Beyonce, Run the World
Imagine Dragons, On Top of the World
AWOLNATION, Jump on my shoulders
Not even gonna lie… I listened to some of these while I was writing this post and my anger and frustration dissipated. 🙂
Normally, I like to torment friends on gchat and sometimes I complain to these people I torment, which generally leads to overanalyzing a LOT. One friend pointed out to me that I need to turn my brain off. While I understand the concept in theory, it is definitely something I am still working hard at to improve. Mostly because when I overanalyze, I start to obsess and obsess and obsess until at least three people that I have been obsessing to tell me to stop because if I don’t they might consider physically assaulting me. Apparently, I am special, hehe.
I will probably talk again about overanalyzing in the future and about the 500 lb extra gorilla that just hangs out on my back, but yknow, stay tuned! Come back and all of that. And if you are bored and want to help a sister out, go over here and make a donation to help the puppies and the kitties!