this post will prolly go back and forth between third person, reminiscing, and speaking in a sort of open letter toa dear dear friend of mine who has passed.

I went to Purdue from August 2001-May 2005. I met some amazing and wonderful people while I was there. One of the best people I met was a guy I was introduced to through an ex boyfriend. This guy I was introduced to was named Donovan. He was awesome and we became pretty fast friends. We spent hours playing PS2 (specifically soul calibur 2), watching Alice in Wonderland, goofing off in Spanish Lit class and generally hanging out. We watched a lot of family guy and drank a fair amount of beer while listening to a variety of different types of music.

He quickly became one of my best friends and we were inseparable for a couple of years. He got me through a lot and meant quite a bit to me. I didnt grieve his death properly until the third year after he had passed when I went on this day in 2009 to a tattoo shop where I got two nautical stars on the backs of my legs with his initials and birth and death years underneath and then proceeded to watch the Chappelle Show (the entire second season). I took the day off work and dedicated it to DD.

The following year in Aug of 2010, I got the robot he drew and a Kurt Vonnegut quote on my leg:

The heart is bleeding a little. And the Kurt quote is to represent that life goes on. In literature, and in Slaughterhouse five, the phrase “And so it goes…” was mentioned every time death was mentioned. Sometimes it was in sorrow, sometimes absurdly or in a comedic fashion… it was repeated 116 times in the book. The phrase was used to demonstrate and represent the randomness of death — how death can come to anyone at any time. When I thought of Donovan, this is what phrase came to mind.

Donovan,

You were there for me when I needed a friend, a shoulder to cry on, when I needed anything really. I couldn’t have asked for a better friend or someone more awesome to have been in my life. You did so much for me and I am sure you don’t even know it. I have so much I want to tell you; so many things have happened in the last 6 years that I wish I could have shared with you and told you about and been with you for. I went through a lot. You passed, then Chaz and then things got dark for a while and then they seemed to get light again and then I met an amazing person. And I married him. I wish you had been able to be there with me on that day. You would have been calming, I am sure.

When you passed, I disconnected from pretty much all of our friends. I went into hiding. I stopped speaking to the majority of people I would have called my family mere years earlier, just like I normally go into hiding every year on August 29th. This year, I didn’t. I am determined to change. I celebrate your life everyday. You impacted me in ways that I wasnt even aware of until recently. You will always be a part of me and my life. You were an amazing person. Up for anything. You changed me. And I am determined to change for the better. Today is the beginning. With your passing, and my not hiding, I will reach out to those that I used to know ( that you used to know) and hopefully rekinlde the friendships we once had, outside of facebook.

DD, know that I miss you and that I will always miss you. You left a hole in my heart. But I know you are watching over me. And I hope there is some kick ass beer and music up you are experiencing wherever you are right now.

Love ya mang.

So I says to mable, I says… I’ll finish this story later.

 

Can’t end this with anything less than Gigolo by Nick Cannon ft R Kelly.