True Confessions, part 1

I call this Part 1, in case I feel the need to do more parts. I never know how my brain works now or in the future… so damn unpredictable yet it is MY BRAIN! So here goes nothing….

I have been running but when my running buddy moved out at the beginning of September, I found it easier to skip runs. It was staying darker longer and more pitch dark then just kinda dark like it was at 5am over the summer and I am terrified of the outside dark. I am not afraid of when it is dark in the bedroom. I need pitch dark to sleep at night. But when I am running, I would prefer the semi-lit sky that was existent at 5:30am over the summer. Without the semi-light, I am more and more hesitant about running on the trail (even with my light), mostly cause I don’t want to get raped… not that that is common or that I have heard about recent cases of that, but the first mile and a half is pitch dark hell, and when I run through Old town, where I reside, I find that I run slower (a lot slower) then when I am on the trail. This is a hindrance on my training. I can’t seem to break the mental barrier that comes with running in old town at faster paces and I can’t seem to stop jumping at the idiots who run in all black and the jerk bikers who never say on your left. Also, did you know it gets COLD in the fall/winter early mornings?! HOLY HELL!!!!

So anyway, I know, you are hearing a lot of excuses. I should get the running mace. I should just man up and deal with it. It doesn’t help that I have my mother and my husband telling me how worried they are about me…I get it. They are worried about the same things I am worried about.

I tried running at work last week and I didn’t get my whole workout in because I feared being short on time and there were a couple of dudes I wanted to deck for cat calling me. I am sweaty. I am working out. I am doing me. So go do you in a corner and dont yell or whistle at me. I am not afraid to get in your face and tell you how to treat a woman damnit! I tried working out after work and it doesnt really work out. I feel guilty leaving Aldy alone as he has been alone all day while I am at work. And when I get home from work, I just wanna sit on my bum and chillax. So anyway, with all of that being said, I am still eating the way I want to and was when I was running 3-4 days a week with playing soccer… point being I am playing soccer and running 2-3 times a week and before I wasn’t really losing any weight, but wasn’t gaining either… now I am just kinda gaining. UGH! anyway, gotta step it up. Either conquer my fear of the pitch freaking dark rapists out there in the first 1.65 miles of the mt vernon trail OR I need to find some kind of other solution.

GOTTA CHANGE SOMETHING whether is be mental or otherwise! Suggestions?

I jump at my own shadow as cars go by on GW, do you do things like that or are you afraid of something else while running?

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