I have had lots of thinks to think but also, my mind has been completely vacant — if you can have it both ways. I get up each morning, I put on clothes, I go to work, I come home, I sit on the couch and I do a whole lot of nothing. I have waves of intense thought about my dad. These thoughts can include everything from “he would have really liked that scene” to “this holiday season is going to suck (because he won’t be there)”. 

Life is hard. I feel pretty empty yet I absolutely don’t. I struggle to get excited over hugely large and exciting things because my new normal (the “normal” that is without my pop = new normal) is not my old normal and I no longer experience feelings quite like I did. (Once again, if that even makes sense)

I don’t get sad or excited like I used to… not really. Right now, it’s mostly just blah. I am not overly feeling about anything. It is weird. 

My dad used to combine two statements:

Every day is a day in paradise + every day is good when it’s above ground = every day is a day in paradise when you’re above ground.

So we live by this statement.

And those of us in the dead parents’ club… we get each other, we get the new normal that is post parent death.. and we try to comfort each other and be there for each other. Those that aren’t part of the dead parents’ club… shouldn’t join it if they can avoid it and I suppose we could call it the dead immediate family club because it blows no matter who dies… it blows more when it is your parent, sibling, spouse, etc. anyway… new normal. It’s where I live and while I experience happiness and joy and some anger… mostly I experience blah-ness and it’s ok. It just is the underlying feeling.

Retail therapy doesn’t help (believe me, I have tried).

Talking to friends doesn’t always help… some of them don’t get it… some of them brush it off like it aint no thing and some of em get it or try to understand and be supportive. Family has been incredible and the friends that have tried to understand and be supportive have been amazing. 

We are truly lucky to experience the amazing and loving people that are in our lives.

Well…. this post degenerated rapidly into something I wasn’t expecting. Point being, life is good. I am figuring out this new normal and struggling to put words to feelings. Every day is a step forward. 🙂