Sometimes I Feel Like a Dick
Sometimes I feel like a dick and sometimes I don’t. Right now, we are going to discuss the times I do. My social skills consist of abrasiveness, honesty, and a whole host of other things most people find less than endearing. It’s just who I am.
Do I have tact? Yea. Do I know how to use it? Yes. Do I use it? No. Often times, I feel like I can be more easily misinterpreted or my words can be more easily misconstrued when I sugar coat things. It’s just who I am. I have statistics to back this up (#nolie)
This is of course 72% untrue. What do I mean by the 72% untrue bit?
Am I these things? Yes. But I do sugar coat stuff for people, often more times than I would care to. In my head though, this is WAY more true. And sometimes some of those unabridged, completely raw thoughts slip out and shock me and others.
Also, my lack of sugar coating could mean we’ve just met and I don’t care. For example, on my way out of an event yesterday, I was saying good bye to everyone and someone said nice meeting you and I was like yea, same to you, but I got shit to do. This person was taken aback by my dickishness. Now, with that being said, that wasn’t even my REAL dickishness, that was just the fun and lovable becca my friends have come to know (and in theory, love. I mean, they put up with me…for now).
Moving into the friend-zone, I am also an over analyzer.
This factors into my being a dick. Sometimes when I am a dick (or when I think I am a dick), especially to people I care about, I find myself analyzing and over-analyzing again and again, interactions that I otherwise would not have thought twice about. Hehe. But I also know that I am not alone in this. Many of us do something (doesn’t have to be you being a dick), and then fixate on it, wondering if it was the right thing to do or if we could have done something slightly different that would have provided the desired outcome and still been within our ethical and moral standards. (hell, as we speak, i am prolly editing this post because i am overanalyzing…)
So with my unique talent, I constantly replay and overanalyze my actions and statements and regularly apologize for things, like speaking my mind. I then get into arguments with myself a fair amount of the time because I don’t think I should have to apologize but then apologize anyway. and then I wonder if, by apologizing, I am doing the right thing.
To give you a stellar example of overanalyzing stuff (refer to top of post… and how i overanalyze things or continue reading) something that just happened. All of the people in my facebook feed are posting pics of their kids going back to school because in VA, today is the start of school! They are all adorable! But to participate, I posted a pic of my dog from when he was so little to now 3.5 years old to participate in the theme filling my feed… the theme of “They’re growing up so fast”. It amused me, but now I am spending time over analyzing whether people will get offended. IS THAT HOW LIFE IS SUPPOSED TO BE?!
it even got to the point where an old boss and friend told me he KNOWS I overthink things! HAH!
I would love to stop, but can’t manage to and I think it is because I am scared to not be prepared for ALL OF THE THINGS. <insert sigh here>
plan b — continue to overanalyze and DEMAND EUPHORIA!
but of course:
so I digress and I move on to my second round of over analyzing 🙂 If you need me, I will be in my cave.