Keep Calm and Soldier On

man so many things have occurred in both a good and a bad way in the past few weeks. Recently, I have come to the realization that my dreams of being an awesome and amazing solve-anything-programmer chica is in jeopardy. I can barely make it through my java homework and even when I do make it through, it is with a fair amount of help. Maybe this is because I was two years out of practice… idunno. I have been steadily improving as I continue to practice and create. Maybe I just need more practice.

I have also discovered than when I am less than completely confident in my abilities to handle a crisis, I tend to freak out a little. My brother has been listening to a lot of my freak outs lately (my husband listens too of course, but man am I happy I have my awesome brother back in my life!) Anyway, so add it to the list of reasons I love my brother. 🙂

this is how I feel sometimes. image courtesy of someecard.com

I mean, you wanna give me an error in a drupal plugin and I can more than likely come up with a hook. Error in a php, jquery or css? I gotchu. Problem with your java code? I can find the error and explain what needs to be done, but getting it to work without an issue can be a challenge for me because I get nervous and I don’t have confidence in my attempts at code. I am getting better and I even managed to program a few things pretty damn well on my 2nd homework assignment without help, so I am getting there, but there is still a lot of hesitancy there. So in the next few months, I plan on working through that hesitancy.

I really want to be able to program java and make really freaking awesome applications and mobile shit that you will have to all look at when you turn on your phone and open this app or that app… one day it will happen, although some days, I think about this:

yep. true story. courtesy of someecards.com

There are several things that have been weighing heavily on my mind… I will just tick em off one by one below:

1) How I discovered that my running goal for the year was no longer my goal: because of my foot OF COURSE! I am sure you all are like, this song and dance has been going on since March (WTF right?!)… well this is true and I finally found someone who did an MRI – GOOD LORD…. prognosis: I am having surgery. It is official. If you follow me on twitter or are friends with me on facebook, you may have heard about this, but here are the details…. On Friday the 28th, I went to the foot specialist/surgeon. He took like 3 looks at my MRI and Xray results, looked at me and then looked back at the screen and squinted his face. He then turned to me and said “Yea, you’re gonna need surgery” and I was like ok, like the arthroscopic surgery homeboy did to fix my right foot in high school or the arthroscopic surgery used to fix my knee? and dude was like “no, we are going to have to peel that bitch open” ok so he prolly didnt say it like that… but this is my replay…. Basically surgeon said he was going to fillet open my foot. I asked about the recovery time and when we were going to do this. He said he’s have his secretary call me and I said ok (still waiting on that one, yes I understand there is a holiday TOMORROW, but the world doesnt stop and I need to get that scheduled so I can be sure I can run Ragnar), and that recovery time was 6 weeks. So I said maybe I misheard you, you said 6 weeks? and he said yea and the first 4 are in a boot and I was like well you’re just full of good news…. so I guess this means that the Marine Corps Marathon in October is out? and he laughed and said yea the marathon is out and I about lost it there. So I proceeded to ask a few more questions, like can I run right now? and he said I couldn’t do anymore damage to my joint as I have damaged all of the cartilage and created more bone spurs than he’s seen in a while….so yea. that is that i suppose…

Thank god I was able to hold it together til I got to my car. At that point, I sat and I may or may not have thrown a mini fit in my car. I did some quick math and realized that if this surgery doesnt happen until the final week of july, that I am out for ragnar also…. which would suck ball sack. and then I really did lost it. And I know what you all are thinking… oh don’t worry, you’ll come back and be better than ever its only a few months… or at least you can run now, or why are you crying, its only two races (or just the question of why are you crying over running)…. WELL HERE ARE THE FACTS: yes, at least I can run and yes I will come back from this better able to run; however, I have been out since March and will be out through mid september… that puts this injury at 6 months long. that is more than half a pregnancy… and why am i crying over two races? WELL IT HASNT JUST BEEN TWO RACES! It has actually been 6 freakin races and I lost money on 4 of 6 of those as of now. The marathon was my YEAR GOAL and now its just out. 

courtesy of someecards.com

YES I DID GIVE SOMEONE MONEY TO RUN OUTSIDE! (this is normally my husband’s response although he has learned to just let it happen and he is very supportive; he even comes out and takes pics!)

So this will now be me:

yep. gonna talk about cake and how great it is while im in a boot 😛 

TAKE THAT MARATHON TRAINING RUNNERS. BOOM. ok, well, I felt strong and awesome for a moment there. But now I am just sad again. I sold my MCM bib yesterday. Yea, deferring was an option and no matter how happy i was to have the bib and be entered to run the people’s marathon… my FIRST marathon… i KNOW that i did the right thing for me by selling it. I won’t be around to run next years MCM so I will plan to run it in 2015.

so long story short, I am angry but what can ya do? Keep calm and soldier on.

2) why are people so stupid? when did people get so stupid? Once upon a time, Becca met a woman with a biomedical engineering phd who told Becca that she didn’t know how to program… I DECLARE SHENANIGANS!! what engineering school did you go to? I was in the UNDERGRAD program at purdue for 2 years and I was programming in Matlab and Python that entire time…. so I call bull shit. I get that she prolly wanted me to do her work, but shit at least be honest about it. and stop making women seem/appear to be stupid. I was reminded of this yesterday on the metro when I saw a blonde woman acting stupid to flirt with a man… and you wonder why we don’t get equal pay…. GOOD LORD PEOPLE! COME ON. so what did I do when I saw this woman continuing to set back the female gender? I kept calm and soldiered on (while i thought mean thoughts in my head). 

Or the idiot drive the other day who thought it was ok to pass me by going in the left hand turn lane and almost hit me in the process…. SMH. People just make me shake my head. Are smart people not reproducing anymore? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS WORLD?!

3) 4th of july party (this hasnt been weighing on my mind so much just stating that it happens)– every year my folks head to the beach and I head to their place to watch the dogs and hang out for a week for the fourth. So every year, I (and my husband and aldy the past two years) head over to crash at my folks place with multiple dogs. I then plan and proceed to throw a party for me and yknow 20+ of my closest friends, and we go all out, yknow the whole nine: burgers and hot dogs, kebobs, an insane amount of awesome dips, drinks, bei rut (the Purdue way of playing beer pong… if you cant hack it, dont come) and dogs. People who have dogs can bring em and so on.

Whole point and putting all of this shit aside, keep calm and soldier on. get through the shit and eventually at the end of wading through the shit, you will get to the awesome part and the water you wade through will be clear for a while. So the next time some fuckwad cuts you off and you dream of punching em in the face, take two deep breaths and keep calm. the next time some bitch decides to set women back another 40 years, breathe deep and remember that punching her will prolly set back the gender also, so keep calm and soldier on!

You get the idea. so with that being said, i leave you with these ecards, photos and songs that remind me of the 4th!

got no idea why, but this song by queen brings back memories of the 4th of july for me!

This song by lynyrd skynyrd brings back the memories of good times too!

GOD BLESS THE SHIT OUTTA AMERICA!

and for those of you that are still with me, one final image of the reason I am so damn happy to be in America:

sheena-aaron-wedding-us
courtesy of Nick Kessler (Sheena and Aaron’s wedding photog)

cause in America, I found my fucking soulmate.

 

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